Why Having a High Needs Baby Caused Me Poor Maternal Mental Health
I knew babies cried. I just didn’t know they screamed nonstop from day one.
My daughter was born howling — not the cute little newborn bleat I had imagined, but a full-body, red-faced, ear-splitting cry that didn’t stop when she was fed, changed, or cuddled. The only thing that helped was me — my body, my arms, my constant presence.
If she could have crawled back inside me, I truly believe she would have.
This wasn’t just a “fussy phase.” It was life with a high needs baby, and it shook me to my core. I had no space, no rest, no emotional reserve. Eventually, it cost me my mental health.
This blog isn’t just a story — it’s a lifeline for any parent drowning in exhaustion and confusion. If you’re Googling "poor mental health with a high needs baby," this might be the post you didn’t know you needed.
The Day Everything Cracked
I still remember the day I realised something was wrong — not with her, but with me.
It was 2:34 a.m. I hadn’t slept longer than 40 minutes in a stretch for weeks. My daughter was screaming in my arms, even though I had been pacing the hallway for an hour. My partner was sleeping….
Why didn’t I get to rest? Why was I the only one she needed?
I sat down on the hallway floor, clutching my baby to my chest, and sobbed. The thoughts racing through my mind terrified me. I didn’t feel like a mother. I felt like a machine—on 24/7, no pause button, no fuel.
That was my breaking point.
Things I felt I was ashamed to admit
I want to be very real with you right now…
Why?
So you understand you are not a bad parent for feeling this way, having a high needs baby puts strain on your relationship, your physical and mental well-being.
What have we done…
We regretting our decision to have our second child in these moments. We love our daughter, but in that moment….
Our life was unbearable, my husband and I fought all the time, I was so resentful that he didn’t have to be with her all-day. He felt ‘this baby’ had ruined the amazing life we had together.
I am sick of being touched!
I was so touched out, and I am not a person that likes a lot of physical affection. I found the need to be held 24/7, led to anger and resentment.
I hate my husband for not going through what I am going through
I was so resentful that he wasn’t with her every day, that he got to leave the house and be him. To go to work, have friends, have a break from THIS. That he wasn’t feeding her 24/7, contact napping and co-sleeping. On reflection I was just angry at how hard life was, and needed a place to direct this.
Why Sleep Deprivation Was My Breaking Point
It wasn't just the intensity during the day. It was the nights, I needed a break.
She woke up every hour at night, often more. I was never asleep long enough to enter deep sleep. I was in a state of constant alertness, never able to fully relax. My body ached, my mind was foggy, and my emotions were on a terrifying rollercoaster.
Sleep deprivation amplifies everything. It turns exhaustion into despair, crying into panic, and small challenges into insurmountable ones.
When you're caring for a high needs baby who wakes constantly, your own well-being can unravel fast.
My Survival List: 6 Things That Helped Me Cope with Poor Mental Health and a High Needs Baby
Baby carrier walk – I could put my ear buds in, listen to music and regulate. This saved my sanity.
Leaving the house alone for 20 minutes – When my husband got home, I left. I needed to walk alone, in silence and simply calm my nervous system.
Noise cancelling ear buds – my daughter cried, and whined all the time. When this got overwhelming noise cancelling ear buds saved me. It allowed me to regulate my nervous system.
Stopped comparing my baby to friends babies - this helped so much, I was full of anger and resentment.
Sought professional support - CBT therapy and medication to support my depression during this stage.
Getting sleep support - I waited 2.5 years before hiring a sleep consultant. This is my biggest regret, after sleep improved I was a different person, as was she.
How Sleep Support Changed Everything
I resisted help. I felt this was my job to figure out. She’s my child, surely I should be able to fix this!
I felt she was honestly too difficult, I had tried everything, or so I thought!
In the end I had a breakdown of my mental health, it was bad. I was not coping. I was not the mum they needed, I was breaking.
What sleep support did for me:
Gave us both our sleep back, we were beyond exhausted.
Gave my husband and I a clear plan to address this, as a team.
Most importantly, I had someone in my corner, cheering me on without judgment
Honestly, this changed everything, I was happy again, as was she. I got to sleep without a child in bed with me, have an evening with my older child and husband.
FAQ: Can Sleep Coaching Help If My Baby Is High Needs?
Q: Won't my baby just grow out of it?
A: Absolutely, if you do nothing, one day your child will sleep well in their own bed. With high needs babies and children this tends to be many years later. If this isn’t sustainable, sleep coaching can help.
Q: Can high needs babies really be helped?
A: Yes. At Tired Baby Sleep, I specialise in these babies. I have helped hundreds, and seen sleep transform. They need a very gentle and consistent approach to change, tailored to their temperament.
Q: I’ve tried sleep training my high needs baby, why is this different.
Temperament is the strongest influencer of sleep, leaving these babies to cry, making big changes fast does not work. They are 0-100 babies, that will cry easily and not give up. You have to be slow and responsive. And I have developed methods that allow responsiveness with boundaries.
What I Wish I’d Known
If I could go back and whisper a few things to myself in those blurry, tear-soaked early days, here’s what I’d say:
You’re not broken.
Having a high needs baby doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.Needing help isn’t weakness.
Whether it’s from a sleep coach, therapist, or your partner — ask for it.Postnatal depression can look like burnout.
You don’t have to be crying all day to be struggling.Sleep isn’t selfish.
It’s survival. And it’s allowed to be a priority.Your baby is not “too much.”
They are exactly who they are — and you are exactly who they need.
From Breakdown to Breakthrough: Why Sleep Was the Turning Point
Sleep didn't solve everything. But it gave me the strength to face everything. It gave me back my mind, my body, my relationship, and my joy.
When my daughter started sleeping more predictably, she was calmer, more content. And I was no longer surviving moment to moment. I began to heal.
That’s why I now shout from the rooftops: Sleep is not a luxury. It is a mental health lifeline.
If you're stuck in the trenches with a high needs baby, I see you. You are not broken. You are not alone. And there is a way forward.
If this resonated with you, please share it with another parent who might be in the thick of it. You never know whose life you might lighten. 💛
🤝 Need Help With Your Baby’s Sleep?
If you’re struggling with poor mental health with a high needs baby, and would like support, you are in the right place.
At Tired Baby Sleep, we specialise in supporting frequent high needs babies with gentle, evidence-based approaches that are tailored to temperament.
👉 Click here to book a free discovery call
📩 Or DM me on Instagram or TikTok [@tiredbabysleep] to discuss.
